'If I got rid of my demons, I'd lose my angels' - Tennessee Williams
I haven't been writing much lately so I have decided to share a quick update. So far queenstown has been a bit of a rollarcoaster of emotions. It hasn't been easy but it's been such a learning experience that I wasn't expecting it to be (nor did I want haha).
I think when everyone moves away they go through the same thing. It's confusing and lonely and scary yet it's still amazing and exciting all at the same time. A bit of a mindfuck. Nobody really tells you about the downside because they are too busy trying to show that they are having the best time of their life. But let's be real, you can't have the best time of your life every single minute of every single day. I don't care where in the world you are, it's just not going to happen. Before you move away you have all these expectations in your head of what things are going to be like but nothing ever goes how you think it will.
For me personally it always seems that when some things have been going bad, other things in my life start going great. It's exciting not knowing what the next day brings but at times it can be really draining.
It's just all part and parcel of the adventure and no good adventure ever happened easily (yes I may of just made that up).That's the fun and excitement of it all (isn't it?).
There are days when you really should make the effort to get out there and see people and do things. On these days I always find that I feel so much better for it. I either bump into people and make plans or meet new people. Just the other day I called into my boyfriends work to see him and got chatting to a girl he works with. We clicked straight away and next thing you know she's taking me out for dinner haha sorry Lorcan. No but really we did go for dinner and drinks and it was so nice to feel like somebody else is in the same position as you. If I hadn't called into him or at least stayed a while longer which I wasn't going to do for fear I looked like a loner at the bar, I wouldn't of got talking to her and we wouldn't of gone out and I'd still be thinking 'I'm such a freak who can't make friends'. Then there have been days when I have just been feeling sorry for myself and haven't left the house and I think that's ok too. We all need to do what we have to to feel better. I like to be alone sometimes so I can gather myself and my thoughts and emotions so that when I am around others I am the best I can be. On these days I feel lucky to be in such a beautiful place so that I can go for a walk or bike ride alone and take in all the beauty of Queenstown. Just make sure your not doing this all the time because you might get seriously depressed which is no laughing matter. Our mental health is so important so it's all about balancing the two. Looking after ourselves and having alone time and socialising and interaction with others.
I think in life we are all given challenges that are personal to us and our self growth. We have to overcome them in order to move on or else these same challenges will keep coming back to haunt us.
For me I just need to have faith that everything will work out in the end and I will come out of this a better person.
I think in the few months that I have been away I have gone through a lot more than many people have, and if there was one way to turn someone off travel forever that would of been it haha. But I'm not ready to give up, I'm only just getting started. I am nervous for whatever more life lessons I have to learn. Why can't it just all be perfect?? Whyyy? Haha but I'm ready because you cannot appreciate the good without the bad (or something along those lines).